Tree Langdon
Nov 15, 2022

--

This is a bit abrupt. Not sure what a better lead in would be but you might want to rework it.

Maybe she's quiet, or he's startled. Or he runs into her as she's slipping past the door
Or maybe she's out of the shower in a towel..

full on naked sounds more like what a guy would hope for instead of what a girl would do.

And maybe a bit of foreshadowing in a previous segment would make it less abrupt?

--

--

Tree Langdon
Tree Langdon

Written by Tree Langdon

I write stories, and poetry, and create sketches inspired by my dreams for the world. https://wordsinmotion.substack.com/

Responses (2)