When people first meet each other, they tend to put their best foot forward.
It’s human nature.
You want to be attractive, so you show your best side.
You put the worn, torn bits behind you.
At first, you might pretend that those bits don’t exist.
You think about making a fresh start and you’re determined to stick with the new version of your personality.
When people are in their aliveness at the beginning of a relationship, their hormones change.
They are lit up and everything seems possible.
Then, because they felt so great at the beginning, they assume it will continue.
They behave in a way that says ‘I feel great when I am with you.’
There’s a downside to these fake personas.
If you decide the other person has to continue to act the same way to keep you feeling great, you’re buying into the fake version of themselves.
By forcing them to continue acting that way, you’re saying you will do the same for them.
You’re setting both of you up.
Neither of you can change.
You can’t be vulnerable or show each other the real versions of who you are.
You have to continue to show up in a certain way.
There’s an expectation that the other person will do the same.
That is the moment when you both are giving up your responsibility for your aliveness and put it in the hands of another.
What will you do when the honeymoon phase is over.
The problems start rearing their head.
Your shadow bits start coming out and showing themselves in the relationship.
Your debris comes out and gets in the way.
Skip the blame.
If you are experiencing this, let’s skip the part where you go into judgment.
It’s not something to judge or blame yourself for.
It’s also not something to judge or blame the other person for.
It’s your responsibility to take care of your own Aliveness.
Giving yourself permission to feed your aliveness is an important step.
Feeding aliveness includes living your life the way you want to, creating your life so that it makes you happy every single day.
Watch what is going on inside you.
Listen to what your heart wants you to do.
That is where your aliveness is.
Spend some time with yourself and discover who you are underneath the roles and labels.
It is not the other person’s responsibility to feed your aliveness.
When you become more intimate with yourself, that’s when you take responsibility for yourself.
That’s when you stop being the victim of the judgments and beliefs of others.
Remember to let your partner find their own Aliveness too.
Everyone will have different ways of feeding their aliveness.
It’s important that you find what works for you.
Let your partner explore what makes them feel alive as well.
You trust you.
You know that you truly have your own back. When you are your own authority, you are authentic and you literally just become you.
Expectations and judgments fall away.
And that’s when you can really be yourself in a relationship.
It’s important that each of us show up with all our strengths and all our shiny bits.
Take charge of your own Aliveness and allow your partner to take charge of their own as well.